Hello Madam Felicia, my name is Rose and I am 23 years old. I am with a man who is 41 years old. We entered into relationship about a month ago. He never told me he has a wife but now he says he has been married to his wife for 8 years now but they have no child so he wants to marry me to give birth for him. He does everything for me. What should I do about it because we seriously love each other?
Thank you for getting in touch with me.
It’s a good thing to find someone who shows you a lot of care and attention. But what i think is even more important in marriage is ‘love’, yes! True love. You have to be really sure, why this man wants you, or why he has interest in marring you.
Over 60% of most relationships become less romantic after one year. This is even more pronounced in marriages, where you are expected to spend the whole of your life committing one or in this case, two partners. Look ahead into the marriage and imagine what your life would be like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years after the marriage. Find out about how the man treats his wife currently, would you be comfortable with it if the table turns around?
I believe you would be able to make a more comfortable decision if you can a sincerely answer these question.
- Is this what i want for myself?
- Can i be able to cope and co-habit peacefully as a second wife?
- What would be my fate if i am not able to have babies, soon enough?
- What would happen to me if his first wife eventually puts to bed?
- Does he want to marry me because he love me, or because he needs babies?
- Would i get my parent’s blessing for this (Does my religion permit this)?
I think you should give these some serious thoughts, and if possible you seek more counsel with your parents or some ‘wise’ elderly people or spiritual leaders you look up to.
I wish you good luck with your decision, do let me know if would need any further advice from me.
If you have any more advice for Rose, please put a comment in the comment section below!