Madam Felicia, hello
I got in a relationship with a guy three years ago. As at the time we started he had another relationship going on, but we had an understanding that with time he will quit his other relationship and we will be together. We were like Bonnie and Clyde. I fell so deeply for him cause the feeling was strange but satisfying. My mum approved of him. I was a happy woman. (I write with tears) He loves me. I knew because he changed after he met me for the better. He has been so deep into women but all that were curtailed with me. I can’t say we had no challenges at all, we did. But Love was all that mattered.
Then at some point we had to ‘fight’ to be together. He fought for me. The other lady fought me. This got to his family and his mother advised him go with the former. That it will be unjust for him to leave her after all these years. That he should let me go instead.
This man fought this for months before he let me in on this. I cried like I’ve never done. He cried for the first time since l met him. he told me he still believed in us. that we should hold on and see if we can work it out.
Now I am devastated. I am lost. I don’t see myself continuing in something that stands 90% risk of collapsing. I am dying because l love this man but l am not getting younger. I am 27 yrs I need your take on this.
First and foremost i must say am really really sorry for my late response.
Let me begin by saying that the beginning of the journey of love and relationship matters alot. Now referring to your issue , it started on a faulty foundation and complication when he is said to have been dating someone before he met you or you got into each other so deep that tears had to drop. Yes, that’s love but what you both failed to undone came back to undone both of you.
Addressing that in the first place could have dropped future threat in your relationship. If you fail to bend a naked nail of a stick you passed by when coming back it may be the one that will block your way. I am forced to tell you the truth that you should have asked him to settle with his existing love affair before you both embark on your journey of love because in the end he is holding two strings, you are holding one string , who loses in the end but you? you should be held responsible for that.
If you must regain your lost time and emotional bank, you need to start acknowledging that you need to move on with your life as you said that you are 27 years old. Am not saying you should rush or enter into another relationship under the pressure of getting married.
Patience and time must be your weapon right now. Age isn’t a barrier `, it’s an advantage and love alone isn’t a cure to healthy relationship but understanding, patience, wisdom, and so on. You can be in love and not have a happy and joyful relationship which in the end may lead to sadness.
How do you move on?
Thinking through it- means that you try to get your emotions under control. When people go through a breakup, they let their emotions get out of control, and the process becomes much more painful and difficult.
It’s important to think about what happened but, over time, it’s imperative that you stop dwelling on mistakes of the past and allow yourself to continue living your life, so you can have new emotional experiences and make new memories. Getting over complicated relationship takes time, so be patient and don’t expect it to happen overnight.
A “grieving period” is allowed, but spending too much time mourning not only hinders closure, but also affects future relationships. It sounds ridiculous, but setting a firm deadline on the time spent wallowing helps bring an end to the process. If people are allowed to set time parameters like “the diet starts Monday” or “no more drinking after January 1st” why is it so odd to say “starting June 1 I’m not thinking about my complicated relationship anymore”? Set a firm date stating the first day you will refuse to dwell on the past and stick with it.
It’s Vital To Learn From Your Past Relationships
Apply what you’ve learned from this breakup to your next relationship. What lessons can you carry forward so that you reduce the potential for the next relationship to end the same way? No one can completely predict the outcome of a new relationship, but you may be able to detect patterns early in the new relationship that will help maximize the chances that this one lasts.
So my dear, you need to open up for new life in love and be vigilant. Know what you want and go for it. Move on dear and pursue happiness and love. You will find real love again just don’t be desperate so that you don’t be a prey.