We have often heard married women saying things like,
“He was so different before marriage! I don’t know what has happened. He has changed.”
Marriage is one of the most special and beautiful phase of a person’s life. When you enter this bond, you completely surrender yourself to another person. But, marriage also brings in a few changes in a couple’s relationship and behaviour. So, yes, men do change after marriage. But, these changes are not without a reason. We know that changes in your husband’s behaviour might catch you unaware and leave you confused. So, to save you from this, let us tell you about the ‘what and how’ of the changes that you might observe in your beloved’s behaviour after he gets the ‘husband’ tag.
The False Assumption
Dating is like an interview. Both people are demonstrating why they should be given a permanent position. But like an interview, what’s said is only important when it can be backed up with proof. Any hiring manager will admit, past performance is the best predictor of future behavior.
Many husbands fail to understand that the big houses, exotic vacations, and diamond rings didn’t win her over. Expensive gifts can never make a woman feel valuable. What initially captured her heart, and what she rightly expects to continue after ‘I do’’, are those behaviors that made her feel precious; the acts of love that proved she was wanted and needed – his undivided attention, text messages just to say ‘hi’, surprising her at lunch – the qualities that made her feel she was the only woman in the world, when he thought she really was.
The mistaken belief that once he conquered you, he could stop pursuing you. After marriage, those behaviours that led you to ‘yes’ became unnecessary. You were married, you her his, what was there to pursue? The heavy lifting was over.
But that’s where this false assumption lies. Marriage isn’t the end of a romantic journey. It isn’t a destination where men can finally rest from the chase. Marriage is merely a new direction along the same path. Marriage may change the dynamics of a relationship, but it doesn’t alter the fundamental reason for it. If a man accepts the notion that marriage is his green light to stop the behaviors that made a woman feel like the only one, she will find someone who thinks she is.
It’s one reason marriage is so hard, as a man, how do you pursue someone you already have? Many men will ask, why go through the motions if we already know the outcome?
Familiarity enters the relationship
Most of the times, when a relationship is in its nascent stage, person shows off his or her best sides to their partner. After marriage, the reality of living together strips away all the pretenses and real picture comes out. It is best to be ready for these inevitable changes and learn to adapt to them. After marriage, you will learn about your husband’s habits, preferences and routine that you might find annoying or disgusting. But, you do get used to them. And, if you really find it hard to adapt, talk it over and let him know how you feel.
Recommended Read: How to Become a Super Wife
Charms begin to fade
Before marriage, your man might have showered you with gifts, flowers and compliments. But, after marriage chances are that these things will slowly begin to disappear. He might not bring home flowers or surprise you with romantic dates anymore. But, this does not mean that he no longer loves you. He still loves you. It is just that after marriage many men don’t feel the need for such gestures.
Lesser efforts to look good
Do you think your prince charming will stay fit and handsome even after marriage? Well, don’t bet on it. Men never invest time or energy on their looks, be it before or after marriage. But, after marriage as they start to take things for granted, they let go of all their fitness cautiousness as well. Physical changes are a reality after marriage. With work stress and less personal time, he might begin to lose his shape and size. So, be ready for that.
Conversations fall short
Before marriage you might get fed up with your fiancé’s gift of jabbering. He would tell you and ask you about everything possible. Well, enjoy these conversations and time together as much as possible. After marriage people do become lazier in their efforts to strike conversations, whisper sweet nothings, or even share their daily happenings with each other. When you are living together, you no longer feel the need to share these things with each other.
Stress factors increase
Marriage increases one’s financial responsibilities, especially for men. Men are socially conditioned to be the ‘sole earners’ of their house. And, this adds to their stress levels. Your husband might grow silent or more stressed out as he would be worrying about work, money, family, etc. So, you should make sure that you talk this out with him.
After marriage, it is not just the men who change, but women also. Marriage makes you so comfortable with each other that you begin to take your spouse for granted without even realising it. So instead of jumping to conclusions, cut your man some ‘slack’! Enjoy these changes and work your way through them, together!