When you first meet someone, it’s the mystery phase. Naturally you both ask a lot of questions, do the traditional dance of “getting to know you”.
Now this goes one of two ways. Either both sides are speaking the same language and all goes well, or one side is misrepresenting and it’s doomed from the start. If you’re lucky enough to have attracted an authentic person, awesome! If not, it really sucks to have someone waste your time and energy on something false.
Here’s How To Recognize and Avoid Time Wasters in Your Dating Life:
– Don’t Ignore Red Flags
“False relationships” happen when we ignore red flags or don’t see the other person for what they really are. It’s human nature to extend the benefit of the doubt and give people a chance to come into your world. It’s also sheer madness to let someone in or allow them to stay, when they’re covered in red flags. We’ve all done it though.
Here’s what you need to know about inauthentic people. They are attracted or intrigued to some degree on a real level, but that doesn’t change their intent. They covet you without actually intending to cultivate anything genuine. So never excuse bad behavior because “sometimes he’s nice”. We can all be nice sometimes and then choose to be an asshole in the next instant. Sometimes and maybes are never enough. Choose definite and positive behavior every day of the week.
– Don’t Let Anyone Diminish Your Worth
Are you being put in your place? By this I mean the place the other person wants you to be, not where you wish to be. This happens when one person knows that they “have you”, or thinks that they do.
They also know that you outshine them in some way and perhaps that sheds light on their own shortcomings. It makes them insecure, because they’re an insecure person. While it’s true that we often look for what we’re lacking in the people we choose to date; the insecure person looks to diminish it. Instead of embracing what’s great about you and promoting that, they launch a little black rain cloud and piss all over your parade. Now, to them, you’re on their level.
-You Deserve Respect
A perfect example of that is a page from the life of a friend who seeing a guy a while ago, with whom she shared mutual friends. They were all out one night and while standing in a group of people strange to her, he introduced her as “the girl I’m banging”. Typical dick move. Despite being mortified she didn’t sever ties with him. Stupid, right? Fast forward a few months later; they still saw each other occasionally. Now to be fair, this guy isn’t the worst person She had ever met. The bad behavior continued however, because she allowed him to present the worst version of himself and never said that the bullshit should stop. She knew he wanted only one thing and she never fancied herself “special” to him in any other way.
Although it was never lost on her that this relationship of sorts was all about him – She had missed something huge. She was a joke . A joke to him anyway; despite her kindness and “friendship”. That remark was the first of several and every other behavior was a way to diminish her into something bite-sized – and for no other reason than to exert power over the situation and use her for sport. Lesson learned and you know what?
If you’re a man reading this, don’t be THAT guy. Don’t covet something you have no intention of cultivating past sex. Grow up and know that what you put out in the world can and will come back to you. If you’re a woman reading this, let this be a lesson in knowing your worth. Grow a pair and never compromise yourself for “good enough for now”. There are too many quality men out there dying to treat you with respect, kindness, and like the prize that you are.